Author, Actor, Playwright, Excellent Parallel Parker

Rules of the Lake and Ashes to Water are now available for Kindle and Nook!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

In Which Our Heroine Calls for Back-Up

This is a continuation of yesterday's post, in which an alien, vampire, or avenging angel took up residence in my house, and was MOVING FURNITURE in one of the upstairs bedrooms as I sat at my desk, minding my own business and peeing my pants.

The Mister came home and did a thorough sweep of the upstairs rooms, shaking his head and saying things like, "You know, when a roof slate comes loose and goes clattering down the roof, that can sound pretty scarey," and, "You know, the AC unit has a fan, and sometimes, when it starts up..."

That's when I threw my orthopedic shoe at him. I missed.

No one believes you when you have bats in the belfry, literally or figuratively. But I had to admit, no droppings, no feathers, no blood, no disturbed furniture, no sulfuric smell. But I wasn't fooled. It was still there. And now that it knew we knew, it was holding its breath and being vewy vewy quiet.

Several times during the night, while watching TV, I thought I heard something and engaged the only technological innovation worth having in the post-Apocalypse world: the mute button.

Still nothing.

But I knew it was still there. Waiting.

I didn't sleep well. The Mister snored like a man oblivious to doom.

Then this morning, alone once again, I heard it. And it was intense. Only this time, it was under the staircase, which meant it wasn't upstairs after all, but in the basement. I called the The Mister at work.

"I heard it again."

"Well, we had some wind last night. Maybe another slate—"

"Slate doesn't fly or move furniture."

"How could anything get in the basement?"

"What do I look like—? Agent Scully? I need back up!"

Armed with a flashlight, a broom and a trash bag, we descended the stairs. A door which had been resting against the wall had been knocked to the floor. Evidence!

"I told you it was moving furniture."

"There's nothing down here, Irene OH MY GOD!"

At first I thought it was an owl. Then I thought it was a cormorant. But It was a duck.

A big duck.

A big flapping, flying duck. But just a duck.

The Mister scooped it up and set it free. Of course, it's a pariah now, because of human smells on it, but at least it's not in the basement anymore.

But The Mister is.


  1. AWESOME! Glad you found it....glad it wasn't a poltergiest...and glad your hubby knows you're not crazy!
    Joy W.

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